Flute Phobia...

Ok, I've just committed and ordered a laptop...it has an inbuilt webcam which will definitely beat my rubbish Hello Kitty cam...!
Basically...I'll explain, (this is kind of relevant)...I have a complete phobia of playing my flute in public! I have got SOOOO much better in the past year as I've been doing some flute teaching which I've been fine with playing in front of students and I also played at my friend's wedding with my friend on cello who is the most amazing musician. I started off rehearsing and being so shy of playing in front of her but now I'm ok. When we played for the wedding I felt SO nervous. I was shaking and we started playing and I looked over at my friend and I said "I don't feel too good, I think I'm going to pass out!" And she snarled back "KEEP PLAYING!" So out of sheer terror I carried on. We played for so long in the end. About an hour before the ceremony and then during the signing of the register and I was SO proud of myself for doing it. I felt utterly ill afterwards out of exhaustion and relief. I've never ever had this problem with samba and I used to play flute in orchestra at school and drum-kit for the jazz band but it does just seem that flute freaks me out although it is my main instrument and the one I'm best at. So, on Saturday, I was asked to play for the Gorseth in St Ives...it was really nice to be asked and there were about 12 of us in the band and we processed in front of the bards and it was a massive thing with local TV cameras and photographers which was nice to be involved with but AGHH...STAGE FRIGHT! I got SO freaked out! I'd learnt all of my music, but as soon as we began to have a little warm up I completely froze...I could barely remember how to play the flute, let alone remember the songs. My mind went completely blank, and I think if someone would have asked me my name I wouldn't be able to answer! So I was COMPLETELY nervous...freaking out...went to the toilet to calm down...I got bloody locked in!!!!!! I'm soooo claustraphobic and it was on the third floor in a really old building with a tiny window that was high up and I wouldn't have even been able to stick my big head through and I just started freaking out! After a couple of seconds of hyperventilation, I was able to calm myself down at the thought of "maybe this means I won't have to play"...so relief set in and THEN the bloody door unjammed and I got out...DAMNIT! So after that little saga, there was no time to practice and I was thrown out onto the street with my flute in my sweaty palms and terror on my face and barely able to breathe! I nearly passed out I was so freaked out...but it did get better throughout the day and on the homeward stretch I was fine (as fine as I could be anyway)...SO back to my new laptop. I was asking my friend (amazing cellist- who was also playing, but violin this time) how to get over nerves...she suggested busking..and lots of it...and also a webcam where I'm forced to play but being broadcasted over the internet! SO...I might record me practicing and post it on my blog! Bear in mind it will just be PRACTICING! No concert pieces or anything...but I just really really need to get over my nerves...playing at home I'm fine, but as soon as I get around people, I freeze entirely! It's bizarre....so, maybe I'll be posting some videos soon!!!!!!!!!! xxx